Guest Post: My Gpa "The More Things Change, The More they Stay The Same"

Read this first.

Like I said, my Gpa is the smartest person you'll meet. He is very wise and so kind in how he responds to people, especially those with different views. Here is his reply:

Hello Lena,
      I was so pleased to get your response to mine about raising children.  I was concerned some might take it contraryto my intent.
      I agree with you completely about expectations for even young children.  A well know human behavior finding is that rationalpeople, even very young people, behave as they are expected to behave.  Letting, or rather expecting, Z to accept responsibilities and thereby be more and more independent, is a priceless gift.  
     Of course the other reward is that Z rightfully feels as more of an equal as testified byher complimenting you when you do something by saying, “Good job Mommy! I’m proud of you!”  No one wants to feel inferior.  Often people, of most any age,when feeling inferior act bratty.
    
     Love,
         G Pa.

PS  If you will indulge a memory – Back in my working days when I was running the K Company we had an annual Christmas party for all employees and their spouses, complete with a band and open bar.  We were frequently warned about the open bar.  However, all of our employees were fellow owners in the Company and we treated them all, not as employees, but as responsible fellow owners.  We never ever had a problem with the open bar even though we had our share of young people who might otherwise drink irresponsibly.

Whenever I think about not working (which let's be honest is A LOT these days), I think about a conversation I had with him when Z was about nine months old. We started out talking about my work, and I expected him to head down a path of how it would be better if I didn't. Instead, he said he was so pleased I did work and could see the benefits of me working outside the home in Z. He said among his grandchildren, he could see benefits among those who's mothers worked. That meant the world to me in that moment and always.

The Overindulged American Child

My Gpa and some of the ladies in his life, from 2009, that is a baby Z! Also, I was so thin!

My grandfather, Gpa, is one of the wisest people you will ever meet. I am not exaggerating.

Everyone thinks so.

He was a very successful businessman, running a manufacturing company in Milwaukee, an active participant in raising five children, and a dedicated scholar. He got an MBA from the University of Chicago while working full-time and is an amazing example of a lifelong learner as he continues to read, consider new ideas and pholosophies and take on new behaviors.

Last weekend he emailed the family a review from The New Yorker of a book called Slouching Toward Adulthood: Observations from the Not so Empty Nest. With the review he said:

Rearing kids is so complex today compared to the simple days of our young parenthood when I believed the greatest gift a parent could give to a child wasindependence.   I still believe that concept has validity.  It is a hard gift to give although in our day it was a easier to practice ‘less is more’ because‘less’ was often not an option.

This passage in the review stood out exceptionally to me:

With the exception of the imperial offspring of the Ming dynasty and the dauphins of pre-Revolutionary France, contemporary American kids may represent the most indulged young people in the history of the world. It’s not just that they’ve been given unprecedented amounts of stuff—clothes, toys, cameras, skis, computers, televisions, cell phones, PlayStations, iPods. (The market for Burberry Baby and other forms of kiddie “couture” has reportedly been growing by ten per cent a year.) They’ve also been granted unprecedented authority. “Parents want their kids’ approval, a reversal of the past ideal of children striving for their parents’ approval,” Jean Twenge and W. Keith Campbell, both professors of psychology, have written. In many middle-class families, children have one, two, sometimes three adults at their beck and call. This is a social experiment on a grand scale, and a growing number of adults fear that it isn’t working out so well: according to one poll, commissioned by Time and CNN, two-thirds of American parents think that their children are spoiled.

Here is part of what I emailed back:

I am very proud of Z. Her chores are to feed the dog, help empty the dishwasher and help make salad for dinner! Children do nothing because nothing is expected of them. Positive reinforcement also works wonders; I love it when I do something and Z says, good job Mommy! I proud of you!

Jim and I are very conscious to not spoil the children because it is so easy to do so, we think. Especially for us. We grew up in very working class homes. There was much love and we were never in need of anything, but there was little excess. So as such, excess is easy for us to fall into the muchness. Especially with the kids. The piles of toys, the bags of clothes, the Starbucks "treats" that are more routine than treat sometimes. So we try to counter it with reasonable expectations, like feeding the dog, setting the table, putting her own shoes on, etc. etc.

But it is hard. It's hard to say no sometimes. And the muchness is easier to fall into in part because I work. We *have* the money to get what we need and then some. And the "some" is often not necessary but remembering that can be hard in the moment.

What about you? How do you avoid the muchness?

Also, this: "Two-thirds of parents think their OWN children are spoiled!" That is bananas. What are we going to do with those children as adults?! 

I'll share my Gpa's reply tomorrow.

Midweek check in

Last Friday. Rather illustrative of the juggling that goes on, no?

How are we doing this week guys? I have managed to stay on top of things. No doubt in part to a sorta of quiet week at work (yay) and the good weather we've been having has helped too (double yay).

I was spent a lot of time thinking this week about this big joke. In an obvious and blatant effort to court votes, President Obama and the Democrats called the Equal Pay Act for a vote. KNOWING FULL WELL IT WOULDN'T PASS. Sorry for yelling but this is where it gets offensive.

Efforts like this do little to actually support working women, and even less to support working mothers. By bringing it up for a vote knowing it won't pass, they are further debasing the contributions working women and working mothers specifically make to society, the economy and their families.

Why do I work? On a good day it's because I like my job, I see it as a career and I like my independance. On an honest day, it's because I need to support my wardrobe and the standard of living it provides us. But really, I work so my little girl and my little boy see that both mommy and daddy work. It's that simple.

And then there's this. Read and discuss. OK? Go!